THE GLOW UP WAS NEVER EXTERNAL

A couple days into 2019 and a seemingly interesting trend called the #10yearchallenge has gone viral.This challenge basically involves you taking a picture from 10 years ago and comparing it to how you currently look. One cannot help but laugh at our rather interesting choices in clothes from oversized baggy jeans to razor sharp eyebrows and need I not forget the awkward peace sign in every picture.

This challenge brought on alot of nostalgic memories from high school cliques to friends that have stuck through the

different eyebrow phases. Not one to shy away from a challenge, I reluctantly gave in. I dusted up my old Facebook account in search of that old crusty picture. In the midst of the laughs,OMG "what were you thinking?" moments and threats from friends, I couldn't help but notice how in a space of 10 years, nothing really changed.

There was no drastic weight loss,no embarrassing phase, well except for the ridiculous poses that will never see the light of day. It was just me and my chubby self. It wasn't until I unpacked the girl I was 10 years ago to the young woman I am today that I realized that the glow up was never external.

Looking at myself in those pictures brought on more than just embarrassing laughs, it too brought on alot of sad memories.

Memories of a young lost 14 year old. The girl that was either too white to be black or too black to be white. The girl that spent hours strengthening out her hair so that it could flow like Charlene's blonde hair. The girl that tried out every fad diet so she wouldn't have to end up crying in fitting rooms because none of her favourite "Camp Rock" clothes fit, leaving her to shop in the ladies department. A 14 year old who though looked happy and bubbly on the outside, was desperately seeking validation from places and people that had no purpose for her life.

I won't lie,everyday was a struggle,a battle I would sometimes lose and on some days win. Looking back and realising that the little girl I was 10 years ago finally conquered most of her demons and now walks with her head held high.

10 years later and this 20something year old is learning to love herself BOLDLY,carve out HER OWN PATH and DANCE NAKED in front of the mirror because she realised that the glow up was never external.

THE 2 YEAR DISAPPEARING ACT

It was going good, I had just graduated and landed one of my dream jobs. I was finally the "Miss Independent" Neyo was always singing about. I was doing good....and then there was a shift.

The light began to dim, what was once a passion suddenly become a routine. A routine that had me sitting on the bed for 10 minutes wondering if it was all worth waking up for. Social media didn't make it any easier with friends getting promoted and buying their first cars. Don't get me wrong, to the world I was living the dream, going to the best parties, interviewing A-List celebrities and covering the biggest award shows in the country. I had fought tooth and nail for this career so why was I slowly dying in a life that was merely a dream a couple years back?

I didn't understand what was happening until I gave this chapter a name: THE STAGNANT CHAPTER. It wasn't because I wasn't doing anything with my life because I was. I was sleeping at 3am to produce content for my 6am breakfast show then switching roles as soon as the mic went off to become the station's marketing executive which meant meetings after meetings. Now instead of being drained by the day's activities,I was being drained by the routine. My only fulfilment came from covering events that lasted 4 hours if not more. This chapter of stagnation didn't come from my doing but by the surroundings I had grown accustom to,the conversations that became repetitive complaints with people that had been there way longer than they should have.

I had a plan: 2 years at the station then getting scouted by other radio stations and working my way up but who was I kidding, life didn't work like that.

It was in that time that my light began to dim,leaving me feeling empty,without

motivation but rather questioning if this was truly the path I was meant to follow.

The beauty of life is that these chapters NEED to happen,chapters where things die down and don't happen at the rate we want them to happen. We have become so fixated on timeframes that we miss the lessons in each and every chapter we go through. Not every chapter is meant to be lived at full speed, some chapters require quiet times....introspective times.

The 2 year disappearing act wasn't intentional but was needed. I needed to figure out where my life was headed. Where I saw myself because the creative industry isn't exactly a clear path.
Above all

I needed to remember WHY I STARTED.
I needed to remember the little 9 year old dancer who fell in love with words and vowed to make this dream a reality against all odds.

This disappearing act came with a lot of tears,questions,prayers and a tons of soul searching through books.
It isn't easy, I still find myself drenched in tears with a sore throat from the fighting I had to endure throughout the night (times when I wanna give up cause I'm tired of pushing) but every morning I wake up and whisper "I MADE IT THIS FAR SO I CAN STILL GO ON"
after all "when a flower doesn't bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows not the flower"

2016....WHAT A YEAR!!!!!

If someone would've given me "chapter 2016" of my life and told me to read it, I probably wouldn't have

believed half of the things written in it but that's the beautiful thing about life,we don't get the preview, all we get is to experience it as it happens. As 2016 draws to an end, I can't help but be grateful for

EVERYTHING that has taken place. While many have been humbled by 2016, I can't help but think of all the lessons and blessings that 2016 has brought in my life. I remember how every morning in the mist of the turmoil I was going through in 2015, my last prayer request was an affirmation that 2016 WAS MY YEAR and boy has it been! With that being said so allow me to unpack the lessons that 2016 has "broken and molded"

             

                    2016 TAUGHT ME TO........

 BE OPEN TO CHANGE
Now as much as I say 2016 was MY YEAR, I can't imagine how different this year might have been had my wish to further my studies been successful. The plan was to GET MY BACHELORS DEGREE (which I did BY THE GRACE OF GOD) and continue to do my HONOURS. The funny thing about this life thing is that we have no control over it which is why God continues to say "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you" [Jer 29:11]. Now you can imagine my surprise when

things didn't go my way and I had to move back home (something I vowed NEVER TO DO). I felt like a failure because here I was, with my qualification but no job, no studying and back home while my friends were preparing to do their honours. Now being the busy body that I am, I literally had a week before  I was out looking for something to keep me busy. It was only by His grace that I landed an internship at one of the biggest community radio stations in the province but again,just because it wasn't my initial plan doesn't mean I shouldn't be open to it. The point of this is to simply say that life isn't a simple step by step guide,speed bumps are inevitable but that doesn't mean you have to be at a standstill, who knows where the road may take you.

EVERYONE YOU MEET HAS A LESSON TO TEACH

So here I am, content producing a breakfast show, totally out of my element but hey I'm here to learn right. Another lesson which 2016 has taught me is that lessons aren't found in self help books but rather the people we meet everyday. They may be co-workers or just someone you met in the taxi, what matters isn't how you've met but the lesson their little interaction left. In the field I have been blessed to be in, I have the privilege of meeting alot of people from different walks of life from your Mam' Yvonne Chaka Chaka and Connie Ferguson to even the young pageant ladies and women who want to share their story about living with HIV/Aids. The stories they carry have so much weight that one cannot fit them into a blog post but one thing is for sure, the lessons they have taught me have truly shaped the woman I have become today so pay attention to the stories people share, there is a lesson in every story.

GUARD YOUR SPACE

Man 2016 has shown me the importance of guarding your space. In our day and age, we often look for people to fill us up forgetting that what we don't heal in solitude, we will carry in every relationship. I say this to reiterate the ever changing social circles that we go through cause after a while one has to realize that the people you are with today aren't going to be the same people you are are going to be with 10 years from now and THAT's OKAY. One of the hardest lessons is letting go of friendships that don't grow you because no one talks about cultivating your circle and the pain it includes but hey I'd rather have 3 meaningful friends that 100 acquaintances.

TINKER WITH ISH.
I can truly say I have officially been out of my depth this year, now I say this with gratitude but hai maan sometimes comfort is just to nice. Though I may have moved back home, I have had a couple of experiences that will definitely go down memory lane. With that being said, 2016 has taught me to just EXPLORE, it's easy to look at Instagram and wish you were exploring the world like other insta peeps but nothing is stopping you from doing the same so I DEDICATE 2017/18 to just TINKER WITH ISH. Try different things because life isn't meant to be lived in the 3rd row of the rollercoaster but in the 1st row where all the action is.

With all that has been said, I just want to say 2016, THANK YOU for the lessons and experiences.
2017, WASSUP?!!!

Cultivating your INNER Circle

“Show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are” that’s what my parents use to say and for the life of me, I couldn’t understand the magnitude of that statement until now. It’s funny how much weight the word ‘FRIEND’ carries. We are taught at an early age how to make friends, the simple “HI, can I be your friend?” still echoes in the innocence of children but what happens when time goes by and we grow up? Can we still echo those very words, that have started a lifetime of friendships or has social media made “friend requested” friendships that much easier to form without the raised eyebrows.

In the age of technology where one can simply click a button to either request a friend or even follow, one has to wonder what does a FRIEND actually mean. Is it someone you share the same interests with, I mean you guys see each other at various events, hang out with the same social circles so you must be #SQUADGOALS. Social media has even gone to the point of suggesting people for you to be friends with because hey you guys have the same mutual friends which I don’t dispute ,after all

numerous Khumbul’ekhaya moments have taken place over the very “People you may know” list so who am I to bash such a platform.

In all honesty, I cringe at the thought of “friend” being loosely used and packaged into a simple hash tag. I don’t frown upon the occasional squad goals but what or rather WHO DO YOU CALL A FRIEND. You’re lying on the bathroom floor, bawling your eyes out, whose number do you scroll down to, to remind you of your smile cause “it’s just a bad day and not a bad life”. Who’s the first person you want to call when you receive great news and want someone to share in that joy? Who’s your Friday night, pizza eating, wine drinking adviser? Your funny face, terrible twin, Turn up partner or even your terrible road trip singer? Not a lot of people can honestly answer that because friends aren’t just the people you share social calendars with or see at work everyday.

We are so afraid solitude that we’d rather spend meaningless hours with anyone who bats an eyelid in our direction than cultivate our inner circle. Listening to one of my favourite women, Masechaba Ndlovu on PowerLife, she reminded me of the oxygen mask technique used on airplanes which is simply “when the oxygen mask drops, HELP YOURSELF FIRST”. Now this may sound selfish but how can one help oneself if the people around them are used as crutches.

If there is one thing that my 20s are teaching me is to be SELFISH WITH MY SPACE. Being selfish with your space is by no means a bad thing but rather a necessity after all you can’t pour from an empty cup. As we grow up, we realize that friends aren’t the people we see everyday at school/work but are the people that add value to our lives. They are the people we can turn up with on a Friday night and still call them up for breakfast on a Tuesday. They are your biggest cheerleaders when you succeed and your prayer warriors when you go through tough times.

You may be lucky to find them in high school (I blame my AMAZING friendships on being in the same school for 11 YEARS) or you may meet them in varsity. What matters isn’t where or when you meet but rather what you both bring to the table because if you don’t bring VALUE to my life then BYE FELICIA!!!

African soil, I AM SORRY

See we stand here today, celebrating the diverse cultures that paint the African soil but...when the sun sets,  curtains close, we go back...Pack our little blackness in the back, the back of our minds, hearts and souls so let me start off by saying
I AM SORRY
I am sorry for keeping you at arms length and bringing you out when it was convenient
I am sorry for not knowing puo ya segae(home language) because
I let my teachers make me believe that my language belonged in the townships cause
IN THIS SCHOOL, "we ONLY speak English"

I'm sorry for only eating mogodu,maotwane le ting behind the comfort of the four walls I call home, cause
Dare we say this is food, in the presence of  our "white friends" who pierce our food with disgust,
I mean "who eats chicken feet, euuw"
I'm sorry it took Viola Davis in 2014 to strip down her make up and wear her natural hair LOUD
Before I could say "Maybe MY BLACKNESS is in fact BEAUTIFUL"
See I take this time to not only apologize
but WELCOME YOU BACK
Back into our classrooms,our social circles, more so back into OUR HOMES

No more will we have to wait for Zahara or Thandiswa Mazwi to release a track before we AFFIRM OUR BLACKNESS or wait for fashion runways to display OUR AFRICAN PRINTS to remind us of our beauty...
TODAY, we embrace YOU
and TOMORROW you WILL LIVE ON

My NATURAL HAIR taught me....

Tiresome, the word that best describes my hair journey as a young, black teenager. Growing up in a world where ‘long, slick hair that moved with the wind’ was the ‘in’ thing, I never understood why my hair blatantly REFUSED to comply with the norms of society. I mean why wouldn’t my hair have a pen run down smoothly without encountering a couple speed bumps called knots along the way. So I got tired, tired of waiting at the salon like a kid in the candy store, only to be pulled, burnt by the ear, blown and straightened for a couple of days of ‘long slick hair that moved with the wind’. It was in those couple of days that made the cold relaxer, burning scalp and painful patches bearable, but when the patches got too much because of my sensitive scalp, the slick hair got me sick and tired. So much so that I took the plunge and started afresh [after my sister of course, just to make sure my head wouldn’t make me look ET]
It wasn’t until my 4^th year, rocking my gold tinted ‘fro that I realized how a journey  of something as simple as hair could have such an impact on my life so much so that I thought I should invite you into my hair journey. My NATURAL hair taught me…..

LESSON 1: The BIG CUT CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!

Coco Chanel said it best when she said “when a woman cuts her hair, she is about to change her life”. I don’t think I understood this until I cut my hair for the second time. The first time, I cut my hair; it was more of an act of rebellion. I was tired of being forced to fit into a box not only a hair box but a societal box and being the typical 16 year old that never went with the flow but rather went with the beat of her own drum and always having to prove some point. It wasn’t until my second cut that I realized the magnitude of cutting my hair. I finally matriculated from high school and was about to start university in another province, away from family and friends. I realise now that the hair cut was more than just a BIG CHOP but the closing of a chapter (my high school career) and the beginning of a new one. To add to the change, I decided to dye my hair RED, just to stick it to the school rules. In all honesty, the BIG CHOP forces you to look within yourself, see beyond the strands of hair but rather bring out the beauty from within after all short hair says “sometimes there is beauty in vulnerability cause I am not my hair”. And so the journey to discovery began…..

LESSON 2: The PATIENCE in natural hair

A couple weeks into my natural hair & I felt on top of the world but when the red started to fade and the knots became a never ending battle which I always lost, the true test began. See the problem wasn’t that I cut my hair but rather that I expected my hair to grow at a pace I wanted and seeing people on campus rocking their Erykah Badu like hair didn’t make it any easier. So I began to loath my faded red cut and secretly envy my fellow ‘fro sistas, forgetting that everyone has their own journey, at a pace of their own. The point of short hair wasn’t only to change but to rid my hair of the chemicals that took a toll on my hair and the mentality that my hair was “just not good enough”. I had to unlearn ALL the things I had learnt over the years not only about my hair but mostly about myself and that in itself required A LOT of patience. Patience to simply trust the journey and to know that in time, I will reach that level of CONTENTMENT.

LESSON 3: The TLC in NATURAL HAIR

Biggest misconception I was yet to learn about natural hair was that natural hair is the easiest to maintain, just a wash and go. BOY WAS I WRONG! See once the chemicals are stripped and your hair is left in its naked glory, the hair needs to be properly maintained. I use to make fun of my friends who would take hours just to wash their hair until I realised that WASH DAYS was actually a SERIOUS THING. From cancelling ALL PLANS with friends ,setting out ALL your hair needs all the way to setting up the PERFECT play list cause YOU WILL need something to calm you down when the hair you BIRTHED decides to repay you in the WORST WAY aka SHRINKAGE . It was in this that I learnt that in the same way we take care of our hair, we should also take care of ourselves. Too many times we think people can fill us up forgetting that some days we need to SHUT THE WORLD OUT and give ourselves that TLC we so desperately crave. That’s why WASH DAYS have officially became HAIR DATES cause TRUST ME the amount of work you put into the hair for that little bit of bliss makes it a date worth taking.

LESSON 4: FUN IN NATURAL HAIR

The beautiful thing about this journey is that you can SWITCH IT UP anytime. You can go from curly to straight, long to short in an instant so allow me to take this time to SALUTE the creators of weaves, wigs and hair extensions. As much as we are meant to embrace our natural hair, let’s be real, the weather doesn’t always allow us to flourish and there is only so much coconut oil one can use to prevent damage, YES NATURAL HAIR ALSO GETS DAMAGED. This is why we salute the creators of protective styles. Ever heard the saying “I love my six pack so much, I have a layer of fat to protect it”, well same goes for hair. From the harsh sun rays to the blistering cold, the hair needs that “layer of FAT” from time to time after all who wouldn’t want to wake up with a different personality everyday.[ hair does that to you]

LESSON 5: Loving EVERY STEP of EVERY JOURNEY

Life has taught us a terrible lesson throughout our lives, life has taught us to ONLY celebrate the end result, to celebrate when our hair has reached that silky, wavy hair despite the torturous process. Natural hair teaches us otherwise, see I always thought that I was meant to celebrate my hair when it reached my desired length + texture but it wasn’t until a lady I admire taught me to LOVE MY HAIR on the GOOD DAYS and ESPECIALLY ON THE BAD DAYS. See life isn’t meant to be smooth sailing cause if that were the case, it would be predictable and we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the little victories wrapped in life’s blessings. So CELEBRATE YOUR HAIR when it is short with curls still trying to navigate its way around your beautiful crown but more so CELEBRATE YOUR HAIR when nothing seems to be going right and you want to hide behind a beanie but your hair won’t let you shrink but forces you to “expand. Be more you, not less you. EXPAND”

5 years into my natural hair and I couldn’t be more happier cause it is in my beautiful ombre blonde ‘fro turned dreads that I found the meaning in this crazy world. My hair taught me that life is about UNLEARNING EVERYTHING that tried to DIM YOUR LIGHT and instead “honouring your greatest authenticity only serves to make you [..] Precisely, accurately, breathtakingly. Yourself” after all like India Arie “I am not my hair but the soul that lives within”

Mic check 1,2: Just Hlo

From gracing our screens on Mzansi Magic's Gospel Alive every Sunday to serenading us with her beautiful melodic voice as she backs up some of the BIG names in the industry, from Zahara and Brenda Mtambo all way to Gospel sensation, Mahalia Buchanan. Now it's time for the beautiful songstress to spread her wings and remind us why we fell in love with soul music. I got a chance to chat with the ever so beautiful Hloni "JustHlo" Mohlala during her busy week preparing for her 1st ever showcase THIS SATURDAY, 14 May 2016.

1. Being that this is the 1^st of MANY showcases, I have to ask, how are you are feeling?

I must say firstly, I'm feeling blessed more than all the other obscure feelings I have. It's such a blessing to see your dream take its shape. Also because obviously I'm nervous and all those butterfly effect feelings haha. I'll be commanding an entire stage for the 1st time alone EVER. 

2. From backing the biggest artists in SA to featuring on a number of projects, now the spotlight is on YOU, what lessons have you taken from them in preparation for this showcase?
Woah, that's a very big question. I learned that perfection is a lifestyle when in preparation for a show. Also just that you need to be patient with the process whilst you prepare. There is a lot that goes into preparing for a show, and it can never be easy with so many different characters involved so one needs to pray a lot and remain humble and grounded through it all. I've also just learned to remain calm through it all. 

3.Being that you are first and foremost a God girl with musical influences ranging from Thandiswa Mazwai to Jazimine Sullivan, how would you describe your sound?

I'd call my sound Afri-Neo-Soul. 

It's inspirational and very personal too. 

4.Give us a run down of “the day in the life of JustHlo_” in preparation of the show?

 Well ... I wake up and pray. 

• check with my manager what my day is like in terms of my diary. 

• Take a shower and get ready

• Head to Rehearsals with the Band till 5pm 

• Do interviews in between that and send emails. 

• Head to check on my wardrobe and style for the following day for any appearances I need to make. 

• Do make up trials for those looks 
•Have Dinner 

• And try head home to rest well after midnight most of the time. 

5. You travel a lot so I have to ask, what are your travel MUST HAVEs?

My neck travel pillow, my phone and my toiletries especially my perfume & ALL my make up . I can walk naked for all I care as long as my neck doesn't hurt, I smell like a million bucks and have a MEGA JustHlo Facebeat on by Doneupkhumo my make up artist so yes this means she NEVER stays behind! Haha. 

Those are my must haves oh and my handbag. Yes I'm a girl. 

6. What can we expect from the show?

Just expect what you know JustHlo to be when seeing her on stage at any given time.