THE GLOW UP WAS NEVER EXTERNAL

A couple days into 2019 and a seemingly interesting trend called the #10yearchallenge has gone viral.This challenge basically involves you taking a picture from 10 years ago and comparing it to how you currently look. One cannot help but laugh at our rather interesting choices in clothes from oversized baggy jeans to razor sharp eyebrows and need I not forget the awkward peace sign in every picture.

This challenge brought on alot of nostalgic memories from high school cliques to friends that have stuck through the

different eyebrow phases. Not one to shy away from a challenge, I reluctantly gave in. I dusted up my old Facebook account in search of that old crusty picture. In the midst of the laughs,OMG "what were you thinking?" moments and threats from friends, I couldn't help but notice how in a space of 10 years, nothing really changed.

There was no drastic weight loss,no embarrassing phase, well except for the ridiculous poses that will never see the light of day. It was just me and my chubby self. It wasn't until I unpacked the girl I was 10 years ago to the young woman I am today that I realized that the glow up was never external.

Looking at myself in those pictures brought on more than just embarrassing laughs, it too brought on alot of sad memories.

Memories of a young lost 14 year old. The girl that was either too white to be black or too black to be white. The girl that spent hours strengthening out her hair so that it could flow like Charlene's blonde hair. The girl that tried out every fad diet so she wouldn't have to end up crying in fitting rooms because none of her favourite "Camp Rock" clothes fit, leaving her to shop in the ladies department. A 14 year old who though looked happy and bubbly on the outside, was desperately seeking validation from places and people that had no purpose for her life.

I won't lie,everyday was a struggle,a battle I would sometimes lose and on some days win. Looking back and realising that the little girl I was 10 years ago finally conquered most of her demons and now walks with her head held high.

10 years later and this 20something year old is learning to love herself BOLDLY,carve out HER OWN PATH and DANCE NAKED in front of the mirror because she realised that the glow up was never external.