Cultivating your INNER Circle

“Show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are” that’s what my parents use to say and for the life of me, I couldn’t understand the magnitude of that statement until now. It’s funny how much weight the word ‘FRIEND’ carries. We are taught at an early age how to make friends, the simple “HI, can I be your friend?” still echoes in the innocence of children but what happens when time goes by and we grow up? Can we still echo those very words, that have started a lifetime of friendships or has social media made “friend requested” friendships that much easier to form without the raised eyebrows.

In the age of technology where one can simply click a button to either request a friend or even follow, one has to wonder what does a FRIEND actually mean. Is it someone you share the same interests with, I mean you guys see each other at various events, hang out with the same social circles so you must be #SQUADGOALS. Social media has even gone to the point of suggesting people for you to be friends with because hey you guys have the same mutual friends which I don’t dispute ,after all

numerous Khumbul’ekhaya moments have taken place over the very “People you may know” list so who am I to bash such a platform.

In all honesty, I cringe at the thought of “friend” being loosely used and packaged into a simple hash tag. I don’t frown upon the occasional squad goals but what or rather WHO DO YOU CALL A FRIEND. You’re lying on the bathroom floor, bawling your eyes out, whose number do you scroll down to, to remind you of your smile cause “it’s just a bad day and not a bad life”. Who’s the first person you want to call when you receive great news and want someone to share in that joy? Who’s your Friday night, pizza eating, wine drinking adviser? Your funny face, terrible twin, Turn up partner or even your terrible road trip singer? Not a lot of people can honestly answer that because friends aren’t just the people you share social calendars with or see at work everyday.

We are so afraid solitude that we’d rather spend meaningless hours with anyone who bats an eyelid in our direction than cultivate our inner circle. Listening to one of my favourite women, Masechaba Ndlovu on PowerLife, she reminded me of the oxygen mask technique used on airplanes which is simply “when the oxygen mask drops, HELP YOURSELF FIRST”. Now this may sound selfish but how can one help oneself if the people around them are used as crutches.

If there is one thing that my 20s are teaching me is to be SELFISH WITH MY SPACE. Being selfish with your space is by no means a bad thing but rather a necessity after all you can’t pour from an empty cup. As we grow up, we realize that friends aren’t the people we see everyday at school/work but are the people that add value to our lives. They are the people we can turn up with on a Friday night and still call them up for breakfast on a Tuesday. They are your biggest cheerleaders when you succeed and your prayer warriors when you go through tough times.

You may be lucky to find them in high school (I blame my AMAZING friendships on being in the same school for 11 YEARS) or you may meet them in varsity. What matters isn’t where or when you meet but rather what you both bring to the table because if you don’t bring VALUE to my life then BYE FELICIA!!!