It's OKAY....... NOT TO BE OKAY....

Have you ever had those days where you just couldn't take it anymore?

Now I'm not talking about bad days where Monday seems to last longer than 24 hours. I'm talking days where getting up is a constant struggle, where everything seems or better yet looks like bleak, so much so that you close the blinds, pull up the covers and just wish it would all go away. 

Have you ever had those, be it days, weeks or even a month? [Puts hand up] Well I have. See for those who know me, know that I'm one of those happy-go-lucky giggle brigade (as my science teacher use say) type of people. The one who never showed ANY signs of anxiety, made everyone around her smile, always lending a hand or an ear but most of all was there for EVERYONE.  Now you ask, how can someone with so much light have "grey weeks" as I call them. See I wasn't use to such, because bad days were always squashed with a chocolate brownie. I had given myself to everyone so much so that when my walls collapsed and I needed to give myself of me, I simply did not know how. 

So I laughed, I smiled at everyone but when I was alone in my room, blinds closed, windows sealed, I cried, I cursed and wished I could see past the pain, past the struggle, past the mountain.

Now you probably wondering "why is she telling us this sob story?"

Well simply because I know people who are strong, people who smile, tell people the things they wished someone told them. People who refuse to admit that maybe I'm not as strong as I play out to be. I know this because I am one. See I have bad days but instead of admitting it, I concealed and pretended that I was too strong for such, too strong to admit it hurts, too strong to feel but most importantly too strong to cry for such.

 As I write this,20 something years of age, let me be the first to say IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY. It's OKAY to kick, scream and cry. Understand that YOU ARE HUMAN ( a strong one for holding on this long) but most importantly, TOMORROW is another day. 

The thing is we get so consumed in today's struggles that we forget about tomorrow's joys but more so how far we've actually come. So today CRY, cry as LONG and LOUD as you want and then PRAY till you can't pray anymore because it's only with prayer that you can face tomorrow a little brighter. It's not easy but if there's one thing I have learned from this, is that the struggle you find yourself in today is simply developing the strength you are going need for tomorrow.

21st October 2015 and I WEPT. . .

And finally I wept.

21st October 2015 and

I wept

Not for me but for the young 21 year

Watching me catch my flight to chase my dream at varsity while all she could do was wait, wait until it was HER turn.

See her door had been closed way too many times for her to keep dusting herself off and hoping the next door she opens will be the one, the one to remind her that "baby girl your dreams TOO are valid"

I wept for the mother whose heart breaks every time she counts her last cents hoping and praying that it'll be enough to send her child to school, so that she too can chase the dream she sees her peers  chasing every school term, only to have her say to her child "hayi m'tanam, hayi namhlanje" [no my child, not today]

And finally I wept for my parents,

The ones who fight day in and day out so every last cent is spent on making sure I was fed, clothed and had enough for my dreams to be valid.

See too long have I been oblivious to the silent cries of my peers, the ones who day by day slip away while I chase this dream.

Too long have I been oblivious of this fight for education.

Kuthiwa "umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu" 

[It is said "a person is a person through other people"]

So today, I weep in solidarity of the brothers and sisters that are saying "black child, YOUR DREAMS TOO ARE VALID"